when your faith starts to shatter and you’re on the brink of losing hope- all you need is a reminder of where you started, who you started with, and why it all matters…because it still matters…it will forever matter. Chi Delta Theta, Gamma Chapter. 01.23.09. Happy 3 year Anniversary Lambda Class. #48, #49, #50 ♥ ♥ ♥

Munchies much? Now pizza Lolz (Taken with instagram)

Sooo excited for big bear this weekend with big sis and friends! 👍😊👏⛄ (Taken with instagram)

Love.

No, I’ve never been in love nor have I ever really understood or came close to feeling how it should feel when someone says “I Love You”… not until this weekend. 

So yes people, I fell in love this weekend. I fell in love with Isang Bansa in a way that I never have before…all because of Retreat. 

…I’m having the worst retreat withdrawals right now =( 

Veggie grill first with Trixie! 😊with a fat tire to wash it down. (Taken with instagram)

Rest In Peace Lola Pet

We will miss you dearly but I know you’re in a better place. Please watch over us in Heaven.

We baked…. While baked 👍💨 (Taken with instagram)

Mind Blowing.

Probably not in it’s usual context that this phrase is used, but still very appropriate. 

My life since I’ve been here has been defined by you. You caught me by surprise and the next thing I know I’m giving you everything… I let you define me. Despite how torn, confused, or guilty I felt- I still gave you everything because you gave me so much.  You enabled me to feel a certain way- a feeling that is so indescribably, yet so real.  A feeling that no one else has been able to give me. 

Whenever someone else tried to step in, I still would always put you first.  For 3.5 years all I’ve ever wanted was a balance. Yet whenever that feeling felt close- I always ended up feeling like I had to choose.  

And for the first time…I’m not choosing you. 

And for the first time, I don’t feel guilty for not choosing you.  Is this what moving on feels like? Let me rephrase that, is this what it feels like to know that you’re ready to move on…to let go and be at peace? I’ve given you everything I felt that I could…everything that I wanted to give you.  And in return- you’ve given me all that I could have asked for. But it’s time that I redirect my attention…

I feel like such a hypocrite. All I’ve been preaching about is finding a balance because damn it I couldn’t find it. I don’t even know how many times I’ve said that or stressed that. Yet here I am doing the absolute opposite- I’m choosing one or the other.  

Yeah yeah… call me dramatic. But I just can’t help it. When I choose to commit- damn straight I will commit. I guess that’s what makes me unable to have so many things on my plate- because I want to give my all to everyone equally using all my heart and energy, not just fractions of it. I guess that will always be my struggle, a strength, and a weakness. Taking into consideration the circumstances that all of this has played out- I was never given the chance to balance- I always had to choose. 

I don’t really know how to end this and this turned out to be a lot different than I thought it would- but personifying everything has enabled me to see it all from different perspective. 

So far so good…

The first week of 2nd semester…check! (well…sorta) 

It’s been such a damn good week I’m kind of mind blown. It could be a change in mindset for me or something but whatever the reason may be…I’m just going to ride out these good vibes as long as I can. 

Since being back in LA, I’ve managed to home cook all but two of my meals from scratch and workout 4 out of the 5.5 days I’ve been here. I am so incredibly sore and I have the hugest knot in my back right now but you know…pain sometimes feels amazing. lol I hope to maintain this good eating/work out routine for the rest of the semester.  

I also established my work schedule at the D.C. which I may or may not be returning to after this week- we’ll see how this interview goes tomorrow.  

As far as classes, this is probably going to be my most chillest semester ever at LMU.  Two psych classes and three chill electives- how can you go wrong? This week I’ve had a total of 4 class meetings cancelled out of 8. Winning? I think yes.

Having had our 1st gen meetings for the semester for both XDelts and IB, I am just so excited for everything that’s to come.  Then again, I guess this excitement is mixed with a tad bit of anxiety.  So much to do, yet so little time. January is already booked up and February is getting there.  Just trying to take things one at a time and enjoy every second of it. 

I guess the most stressful part of this week was applying for graduation. After 4 days, plenty of waiting, three signatures, an override, a stressful speed walk/run to the registrar’s office, a slight scare, and arriving 10 minutes late to class later- my papers are stamped and my ass is walking that stage on May 5th with the rest of the 100th graduating class at LMU- class of 2012. 

So far so good. I have an interview tomorrow for an Internship I applied for only earlier this week and if everything goes well- I will be working with kids and high schoolers with writing and planning events for the non-profit organization 826LA. Wish me luck! Trying to make baby steps towards the career path I hope to one day be living and breathing in a few years. I’m crossing my fingers!! 

So like I said, so far so good. My last IB retreat starts tomorrow night and I can’t wait…just gotta survive my interview in the afternoon first. haha

It’s going to be a good (last) semester. I can feel it. If you’re up to the challenge, I invite you all to help make this one count, not only for me, but for yourselves as well. <3 

Mabo tofu over soba noodles and coffee for lunch 👍 (Taken with instagram)