Probably not in it’s usual context that this phrase is used, but still very appropriate.
My life since I’ve been here has been defined by you. You caught me by surprise and the next thing I know I’m giving you everything… I let you define me. Despite how torn, confused, or guilty I felt- I still gave you everything because you gave me so much. You enabled me to feel a certain way- a feeling that is so indescribably, yet so real. A feeling that no one else has been able to give me.
Whenever someone else tried to step in, I still would always put you first. For 3.5 years all I’ve ever wanted was a balance. Yet whenever that feeling felt close- I always ended up feeling like I had to choose.
And for the first time…I’m not choosing you.
And for the first time, I don’t feel guilty for not choosing you. Is this what moving on feels like? Let me rephrase that, is this what it feels like to know that you’re ready to move on…to let go and be at peace? I’ve given you everything I felt that I could…everything that I wanted to give you. And in return- you’ve given me all that I could have asked for. But it’s time that I redirect my attention…
I feel like such a hypocrite. All I’ve been preaching about is finding a balance because damn it I couldn’t find it. I don’t even know how many times I’ve said that or stressed that. Yet here I am doing the absolute opposite- I’m choosing one or the other.
Yeah yeah… call me dramatic. But I just can’t help it. When I choose to commit- damn straight I will commit. I guess that’s what makes me unable to have so many things on my plate- because I want to give my all to everyone equally using all my heart and energy, not just fractions of it. I guess that will always be my struggle, a strength, and a weakness. Taking into consideration the circumstances that all of this has played out- I was never given the chance to balance- I always had to choose.
I don’t really know how to end this and this turned out to be a lot different than I thought it would- but personifying everything has enabled me to see it all from different perspective.
